Cynosure
by vanessawillow321
Summary: "I just want her to know... I exist." LOT'S OF JORI GOODNESS. I SUCK AT SUMMARIES.


Love. Infatuation. I wasn't quite sure which one I was feeling at the moment, err moments since I've had the feeling more than once. It was hard not to when you look at her. She was beautiful, more so, breathtaking. I could stare at her all day if I could… just like how I could stare at the ocean all day. The ocean was beautiful. She was beautiful. The ocean isn't something you should mess with though. Humans knew when to keep their distance and not go too far, that's how I was. I could try to approach her, but I knew I'd be setting myself up for disaster. I'd drown. Drown in embarrassment and shame. Then I'd die and she'd still be beautiful. And I'd be dead without telling her how I really feel. But the funny thing about it, is that I'd be glad that I took a risk and swam my way towards her… letting her know that the people outside of her territory see her and admire her from afar. I've always wondered how it'd feel to just touch her… her skin just looks so smooth and warm. Kind of reminds me of the sun. Not her skin that is, but just her in general. I'd be lying if I said that she didn't light up the room with her presence and her smile. Her as a human being should be put somewhere only meant for people who could change the world without lifting a hand. Because if God really loves us all, he'd set her in an environment where people are sick and she'd walk in, give them one look, then they'd feel better in an instance. She deserves to make people happy. Not torture teenagers, such as myself, by presenting her stunning self in a reckless high school in the middle of a small town. I've observed her for so long. Not the creepy observe because that would be, well, creepy. Plus I'd never get away with being secretive. All I want her to know is that… I exist. I just want her to know my name… I want to hear her say "Hello, nice to meet you-"

"Jade?"

And reality sets in. Bad timing.

I looked over at Cat who was sipping on something tropical that I couldn't quite make out. She looked concerned with her brows furrowed and eyes narrowed. I guess I spaced out again. It seems to happen whenever I got to see "her." And by "her", I mean the breathtaking human being I was blabbering on about earlier.

I set my fork down on the top of my salad and raised an eyebrow at Cat. She went on about how it was unhealthy for me to just randomly space out in the middle of a serious conversation. Which if I may just add wasn't as serious as she's making it sound. Red velvet cheesecake isn't a topic I'd call serious. You see, Cat (who's my sister's maid of honor and wedding planner) is a sweets freak. I'm not just saying that to say that, she's literally ALWAYS talking about sugary goods. And she says I'm the unhealthy one. Anyways, she decided to visit me at lunch since I've avoided all her calls. I don't hate Cat, as a matter of fact, I love her. She's my best friend. Yes, she's a couple of years older than I am, but she's not that old. We're only 7 years apart.

Cat looked behind me and then looked back at me with a confused look on her face. I swear her face will end up staying like that if she keeps making the confused look. When she looked back over at "her" and then back at me a second time, I saw something in her eyes that I've never seen before. I can't quite describe it. It looked almost as if it was nostalgic to her. She shook her head and discussed more of the wedding plans with me. But something kept keeping me distracted from Cat, and yes, it was "her". She didn't look my way. Not once. She never looked this way. I thought she'd at least look today since Cat seems to be quite the scene. I mean I love Cat and all, but boy could she make a room stare. Not the bad kind of stare, just enough to say "Wow, wish I could be that bold." I only say that because Cat's hair is red and she's loud. Whispering is a foreign language to the girl, I swear. Very foreign.

"Jade…"

I took my eyes off of "her" and looked back over at Cat. This time she was just letting me know that she had to get back to work because her lunch break was over. I walked her to her car because God knows I couldn't stand the torture of just creepily staring at "her" all through lunch. I've done enough for today.

As Cat buckled up and rambled about someone named Collette at her job who always told her stories about her pet turtle, she stopped in mid-sentence and pushed my hair out of my face that the wind blew. And then she gave me a look. It was the same look she gave me back when we were eating… and then I remembered her saying something that still leaves a lot of questions left unanswered…

"It's not how close you are, Jade. It's how far you're making it seem."

When the hell did Cat start being my therapist? When did she become so… deep?

Cat has always been someone I could confined in and she's actually smarter than people think she is. Actually, she's brilliant. I remember one time we went to the museum and she knew so much behind the sculptures and paintings. It was amazing to see. It's almost as if she was giving you a tour of her house and giving you little details about it. That day, I learned that the Cat Valentine everyone thought they knew, didn't have the slightest idea about who she really was.

But could I tell Cat how I was feeling about "her"? I think she knew that I knew that she knew, but didn't want to know that I know, so she's trying to play it off by giving me these deep quotes and making it subtle that she doesn't know, but I already know that she knows.

For lack of a better understanding.

Grabbing my stuff out of my locker I looked to my right and saw "her" talking to a group of people that surrounded themselves around her. She was laughing about something that one of her guy friends did. No one ever comes to my locker. Never. The only person who talks to me in this school is the janitor and even he doesn't make good conversation. Just the usual

"Hey, how's your day?"

"Okay. Yours?

"I clean floors for a living, so okay."

"Okay. See you around."

"Yeah. Bye."

And that's how my good ole conversation with Steve would go.

"_It's not how close you are, Jade. It's how far you're making it seem."_

I kept hearing Cat say that one line over and over until I bumped into someone and….

Wait…

Why do I feel like butterflies and sparks are going off in my stomach?

I didn't know how to feel about the tingles that I felt going off at the moment. I couldn't process what my body was doing because the reaction I was getting from this random stranger left me feeling a bit dizzy. I like this feeling. It gave me this high as if I was on cloud 9.

Where is this place and can I live there? Or at least rent it for a couple of days?

I reached for the stranger's notebook and then I heard her voice apologizing in the background. God, why am I so clumsy? She probably thinks this is all her fault.

"-So sorry, I should really watch where I'm going. I'm a bit of a klutz. I don't even know how I go day by day walking on these things called feet, but hey are you okay?-"

God, who is this girl? She's rambling. I hate ramblers. I looked up and then I saw…. Whoa.

It was "her".

My eyes widened and I swear if they were to bulge out of my eye sockets, they would. But…

HOLY FUCK. IT'S "HER"

She was giving me a weird and confused look like the one Cat gave me earlier today at lunch. What? Is it look at Jade and make a confuse look day or what?

"Uhh-..I'm ermm."

Fuck you mouth, fuck you. This is not the time to stutter and make a fool out of yourself. nI feel like crawling into a black hole and never returning to the world.

….or at least until this embarrassing moment was over.

What the hell is wrong with me? I've been wanting to talk to "her" for so long and now that I FINALLY get the chance, my fucking mouth decides to ruin things.

She looks so beautiful. Her eyes said a lot of the emotions she was feeling right now. She gave me a chuckle and looked at her phone that kept beeping indicating that she received a text message. I took this time to creepily stare at her.

Wow.

Good job, Jade. Creepily stare while she looks at her phone and then maybe you'll get to third base. Yeah. That seems about right.

I like to thank Jesus that no one else was in the halls at this time of the day because they'd probably labeled me as "hardcore creeper" in the yearbook.

School was deserted at this time of the day. No one really stayed here because for one, it was Friday and people had to, what this generation calls "turn up", and two, the only reason someone stayed on a Friday is if they had detention. I always stayed just because.

Just because it was better than home.

My house is great, I won't lie. The only reason I tend to stay late now a days is because my sister is getting married and everyone is arriving out of town this weekend for the wedding on Sunday. The only thing worse than family at your house is all the questions they ask.

"Med school after graduation, right?"

"Awww look at Jadey, you've grown into a beautiful human being. When will we meet your bf?"

And then they stress your life more with questions about college and then you always have that one creepy uncle who thinks he has a chance. Ew. No. Gross. Bye.

"-Umm Yes?"

I snapped back into reality when I realized that I've been staring at "her" the entire time. Cat is right, I need to stop spacing out.

Her eyes were so gentle and warm. Big and brown. Her lips were saying something, but I couldn't quite make it out because of how mesmerized I was. I wish in life people could just know how you felt about them. Truth be told, some can distinguish and some can't. I'm guessing she can't since she ended up saying "See ya, around" and left in the blink of an eye.

Now here I am laying on my bed while listening to the reckless conversations that were happening downstairs. I'm guessing most of my family members were here. I said hi to them earlier. I dreaded every moment of it.

Every.

Single.

Moment.

Wait, I'm exaggerating, it wasn't all that bad. I finally got to see some of my cousins that I love (yes, contrary to popular belief, I do love some people). I don't know how I did it, but I convinced my parents to not let anyone stay in my room saying something along the lines of "dead souls are in there and they don't like to be disturbed,"

But at the moment I'm wishing that life could just take me back to when I met "her"

Her.

You're probably wondering why I call her "her"

It's simple, I don't know her name. I've never known it.

I've tried many times to get to know it, but whenever I try to hear someone say it, I get distracted or something happens. Funny how life hates me.

We also don't have any classes together. Maybe next semester we will. I know she hasn't had gym yet because I was creepily listening to one of her conversations that she was having with this African American boy at her locker.

With the amount of time I spend creeping on her, I should be certified. You know, that way it won't be considered illegal… or creepy.

I don't think I'm ready to know her name yet.

Once you know something about someone there's no way that you can un-know that thing. I want to know her as a person. As a friend. As a lover.

I just… really want to know her.

And if in this life we never come in contact again, I'd be content. Because to her, it was just a clumsy moment after school, but to me, it was the best day of my life. It was only two minutes, but those two minutes meant so much more than she'll ever know.


End file.
